「I can't possibly give up
That light… because I saw that light」
「[It was] that dark. And I was weak and couldn't do anything….
But when you step onto the stage, as an idol you're needed by someone.
In the spotlight, you're able to bless others」
「Each time you receive fanfare on the stage and letters of feelings [from fans] on this journey
You understand that you're needed. It gets conveyed [to you]」
「You don't know if those people will continue to support you [long term] but yet
I feel very happy and thankful about it.
It makes me think I want to be an idol forever.」
「[If I was] able to give up, there will also be things that bring me happiness」
「The stage light is like a curse
After [we get] Charmed by it…. Cursed by it
Until we arrive in the light, all we do is to continue stretching out our hand」
「After I found the meaning of living in the world of an idol,
I want to chase it until [the day] I die」
「Perhaps somewhere on the road there
There's a chance I might possibly hurt someone
But for me, Someday I want to repay that in an even bigger form」
「Isn't it great to have something that you can aim for?
If there is no purpose, there's no reason to live. Just [ordinarily] living
Being just not dead [without purpose]… when compared to that, I think it's always better」
「But if you're not cursed by it…
Even in a night with no light, there surely is happiness to be found. I'm sure of it.」
- Shiragiku Hotaru, Main Story Commu 65 "Story of Your Life" (Chitose)
Darkness is the 2nd character song for Shiragiku Hotaru. It was released as a second song in the album THE IDOLM@STER CINDERELLA GIRLS STARLIGHT MASTER HEART TICKER! 11 Barakah Storia ~Tsuki to Taiyou ni Shukufuku o~. It is composed by Maiko Fujita and Arranged by Ruka Kawada. Maiko Fujita gave us some really well known intensely emotional tracks in the franchise like always and in fact. But even for that sort of track record, Darkness is a track that somehow manages to feel like a curveball.
The quote at the beginning talks about Hotaru's relationship with the light, what it means to her and her motivation. In the previous write up on her first solo song we got introduced to that concept, so I highly recommend checking it out here first: Lyrical Deep Dive: 谷の底で咲く花は - A flower unplucked
Darkness, as we will soon see, is written almost as if that quote is the basis of the entire set of lyrics. But yet despite that, Darkness keeps true to its name, and is genuinely one of the darkest songs in the IDOLM@STER franchise. It's not much of an idol song at all, even less so a song for a Cute type idol of age 13. At the same time that is what makes it very special. The lyrics are much simpler than the first solo, but at the same time it leaves you all the same with as much to think about.
The live performance by Amano Satomi (Hotaru's seiyuu) at the deresute 10th tour Tokyo stop is easily one of the most memorable performances of the year and people still bring it up to this day. For some thats when they actually took notice of Hotaru as a character and how special this song is, for it really is almost more like a musical or stage play than a normal song.
There's not much else that needs to be said about this. Let us begin.
Standard disclaimer: Translations are not meant to be perfect English and comprehensible sentences to give the reader who may not understand Japanese a chance to derive meaning from the original literature with the original contextual clues, instead of having someone else already making that interpretation for you. Read the discussion under each section for some suggestion on the interpretations.
洞窟の中を ボートは進んでいた
遠くの光を 信じて進んでいた
けれど光は 途絶えた
また行き先が 見えなくなったIn a cave, a boat was progressing
believing in the light in the distance, it was progressing
but the light was cut of
it became that the destination could not be seen again
The song begins by setting the scene. A boat in a cave. The light in the distance it was moving towards as the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But the light vanishes, leaving their whereabouts unknown.
There are a few important points in this verse. First of all the use of the past continuous tense 進んでいた, this becomes a more important point later, but for now the meaning conveyed by the use of this tense is that there was progress. This implies that the boat is no longer progressing after the event where the light disappeared.
Translation of the last line is finicky because 見えなくなった means "to become a state where it cannot be seen" which is not a natural english phrase at all. It means that the light going out is the direct cause of being unable to see.
Another note is that 行き先 can refer to destination, whereabouts or future. In this case, the implied interpreted meaning can be a combination of the three. The light is the destination, and the light gives them clue about their whereabouts in the cave. Stranded in a cave with no direction or footing in pitch darkness, the future looks unknown.
The only lyrical analogy that eludes me is about the use of a boat in a cave. To this date I am unaware if boats have any significance at all in Hotaru's lore as a character. There's 茫と also read ボート which is an adverb for being in a daze or hazily doing something, but the wording of the line necessitates that the form of the word has to be a noun, so that usage would make no sense.
いつしか 気づいたの
この世界は誰もが
平等に報われるわけじゃないとunaware [I] realized
in this world everyone is
not the case where they will be rewarded equally
And now this is where the song really gets into the meat of things. The first introductory paragraph talks about the scene, but the scene is a mere analogy for Hotaru as a character. The next segment switches gears entirely, it begins describing her journey in a much more personal way.
As the bad luck character of the franchise, fate has dealt her a cruel hand. The song describes a realization that there's no equality in this world. It's easy to see how despite her best intentions a lot of things often don't turn out very favorable for her. Early in her career she was often blamed for the downfall of the productions she was in.
The phrase いつしか means "before one knows" which means the realization of unfairness was a subconscious one that happened at some point that could not be pinpointed. It implies the belief was gained through the observation of the unfairness of the world around them.
こんな暗闇で
光も見えずに
何を頼りに進んで行けばいい？In darkness like this
Unable to see any light
What can [I] rely on to progress on
The darkness in the song refers to the circumstances she's in and the mental burden being carried as a result of the circumstances. If we call back to the very beginning of the song with the boat in the cave where the light went out, the darkness in that scenario is the product of the circumstances.
Interestingly the light in this song seems to follow the same sort of proverbial theme as the rest of the time she refers to the light in story (like the excerpt from Chitose's main story commu) or her 1st solo song. It always seems to have something to do with the world of idols and the stage. We'll see a bit more of this soon.
Without a destination and goal how can there be progress in the darkness? That question is one of hopelessness and despair. There is nothing left to hold on to, nothing to provide hope and nothing to give direction. In such adverse conditions how does anyone carry on?
輝くことを夢見た
空の青さも
もう忘れてしまいそう[I] dreamed of a shining thing
the blueness of the sky
already looks to be forgotten
The shining thing she dreamed of is the dream of becoming an idol. It's pretty apparent when you look at her backstory and how the reason she decided to become an idol is because she was inspired by the way other idols shined on stage to make others happy.
This consistent theme ties in again with the light in the last section. That is the destination that she wants to head towards, but it seems so far away and even the light has faded. Before she canonically ends up in your production, she's gone through many before that have taken her in and then collapsed and went bust. These seemingly unending series of setbacks makes the end goal seem further and further away.
The blueness of the sky seems to be a direct callback to her first solo song. That's one of the reason why I would recommend other people read that one first because despite this song seeming more solo1 than solo1 itself, it does make reference to the real solo1. In her first song, the light and the clear sky was the sign of hope that the flower was given. The takeaway from the song was that though the circumstances did not change, the outlook has. In Darkness, we strip all of that away again, making it feel like the hope that was once there feels like it has been lost.
This of course ties in to the boat in the cave as well, how long has the boat been in the cave? We don't really know, but we know that when in a cave you can't see the blue sky from there. There's an implication about a long passage of time spent wandering in the darkness.
何かを掴みかけても
目の前で この手をすり抜けていく
Ah いつも この手をすり抜けていくEven on the verge of grasping something
In front of my eyes, it continues to slip through this hand
Ah, always continues to slip through this hand
This song is so oddball in its composition, this is about as close as you're getting to a chorus.
Hotaru has no shortage of cards with her hands stretched out. It's that sort of imagery that this song tries to capitalize on. The things that she desires and seek seem so near yet so far. No matter how hard she tries, she's unable to grasp what she actually wants. Perhaps not so much that she's never been able to succeed, but the repeated failures make it feel like she can never get what she wants. It would be better to be completely oblivious to what she doesn't have, but the fact that this is very apparent and happens right in front of her eyes drills in that mentality that there is no hope and that life is unfair.
光が強くなれば
影も濃くなっていく
大事なものも守れない運命If the light becomes stronger
Shadows continue to become deeper
[the] destiny of being unable to protect what is important
The light, keeping in line with the same theme from before refers to the world of idols. This section is describing the grim reality as a result of her decision to become an idol herself. The more she takes steps to become an idol, the more people she ends up hurting on the way. She's been through all the possible idol doomsday scenarios where nothing goes her way be it technical or physical. Seeing her presence causing others to also suffer inflicts a great mental toll. That is the shadow and darkness that continues to grow. As a result of trying to become an idol, she's unable to protect those around her from falling into harm.
笑顔は決して嘘じゃない
けれど心は誰からも見えないSmile is never a lie
but the heart cannot be seen by anyone
A smile is the most important part of an idol. We've had entire animes about this so I don't think I need to go into detail to explain why. The smile not being a lie implies that she truly enjoys being an idol and experiencing the joy of simple pleasures that other people take for granted.
Interestingly the smile line is followed by one of the few bright notes in the entire song as a "response" in the composition. It's a very neat detail thrown into the song.
This part talks about how the outward appearance doesn't capture the true condition of her heart, and how even if she looks ok, the experiences she's had is the darkness in the heart weighing her down. It's the part of her that nobody else truly understands because nobody else has to go through what she has.
何かを求めるたびに
目の前で この手をすり抜けていく
Ah いつも いつもEvery time [I] seek something
In front of my eyes, it continues to slip through this hand
Ah, always, always
We go back to the similar theme again, seeking out something but then failing to be able to seize it. Despite the constant grim nature of the song, the repetition of this and how a lot of these chorus sections talk about the idea of "always" happening does highlight some degree of determination. Even though the circumstances always look bleak and end in failure, there's an implication of the continued effort to try again. There's no fear in the fact that trying may even be futile. Setback after setback, Hotaru pushes on.
何かを掴みかけても
目の前で この手をすり抜けていく
Ah いつも この手をすり抜けていくEven on the verge of grasping something
In front of my eyes, it continues to slip through this hand
Ah, always continues to slip through this hand
This part is a complete repetition of the first chorus, but the vocal intensity hits the climax right at this point of the song. It's the same lyrics as before, but it conveys the added exasperation of trying so hard but seeing countless failures, the agony of fate being as cruel as it is and the pain of not being able to get what she wants. It's chilling and profound.
The song in some ways is a reflection of itself. Throughout the six minute journey it puts you through, it sends you on a journey to nowhere. You are given information on a story and the circumstances of a girl, but you are powerless to change their destiny. Even if it seems like maybe it's going to show you some hope soon, the song just concludes as if it's slipped out of your hand. In the end, we return to where we came from, we return to the introduction...
洞窟の中を ボートは進んでいく
それでも光を 信じて進んでいく
真っ暗闇にいるのに
信じることを あきらめられないIn a cave, a boat continues to progress
Even so, it continues to believe in the light and progress
Despite being in complete darkness
The things [I] believe in, [I] cannot possibly abandon
The song ends by setting the scene. A boat in a cave.
The difference this time is the change in verb form. The conjugation of 進んで which is to progress has changed from past continuous form to a progressive, continuous and future oriented form. The boat is now continuing to progress, and progressing into the future. The small change has a massive change in nuance on how the scene is portrayed. Things are no longer at a standstill due to the lack of direction.
Has the circumstances changed? No. それでも here implies that "regardless" or "even so". It's a direct callback to the beginning where the light went out. An implication that even in the darkness, it continues to believe. The change here is that even in the absence of the light, and in total pitch darkness (真っ暗闇), the boat continues on whereas it was stopped before.
In the song, there was no salvation, no hope and no happy ending. Unlike her first solo song, the light never did return in Darkness. In fact, from the start to the very end, there was only Darkness. What has changed was hinted at throughout the song. In the presence of complete darkness, one girl has the unshakable will to never abandon what she believes in. That will, and not the circumstances, is what defines Shiragiku Hotaru.